Monday, March 21, 2011

Why it so hard to say YES?

For as long as I can remember I've never been one to either ask for, or accept offers of help.  I'm sure Freud would have a field day explaining the myriad of reasons why, but at the moment I'm not sure what the answer is.
Mr Freud - what do u reckon?
I moved out of home at 19, moved 300km+ away to Melbourne, and rented a house on my own, it was tough, I was paying off a car loan, paying rent, and was a Trainee, where I worked 3 days and went to school 2 days, needless to say my pay packet was miserly.

Even though I had virtually no 'spare' money and would often have cereal or toast 3 meals a day for days on end, I could never bring myself to say 'yes please' when my parents would offer to deposit extra funds in my bank account, my answer was always 'no I'm fine don't worry about it'.  I would then lay awake in bed calculating how much it would cost me to get to work until the next pay day.

At work I would, and still do, stay back ridiculously late after work to get through my workload, when bosses or colleagues would ask if I needed a hand I'd fob them off saying I was fine.

When I was at school, I would be walking home in the pouring rain, friends parents would pull up and ask if I wanted a ride, I'd refuse with a smile.

I moved house about 17 times in 15 years in Melbourne, only twice in those 17 moves did I have anyone help me, once because I was moving out of a house i shared with friends and I helped them move, and the other because my Mum insisted.  The other 15 times I slaved away, staying up till all hours packing, doing hundreds of trips in my car to move whatever would fit, then co-ordinating with the removalists for the bigger items.

Now in my late 30's I seem to have alot of balls in the air, full-time job 5 days a week, managing house & personal finances for Mr Mel & I, managing finances for Mr Mel's business, setting up new business for Mr Mel & I, trying to lose weight and get fit at the gym, and now getting our wedding together.

On the weekend, Mr Mel suggested we hand over the wine sourcing to his Dad (wine buff and wants to help), and my immediate answer was 'no it's fine I'll sort it', meanwhile in my head my brain was going 'great yes please', but that's where it stayed.

So last night I was up till 2am trying to design & make the invitations for our wedding, I was up at 5.45am to go to the gym, and then to work at 8am, will be home at 6pm tonight, and no doubt tonight, as has happened every night for the past 2 weeks I'll be up till after midnight getting through my To Do list.

This isn't a whinge or a woe is me post, nor should it be read as a negative about Mr Mel, he does more than his fair share around here, and continues to offer help with my load, which as you would expect I refuse!! I'm not looking for a pat on the back, just curious.

Is it a female thing, not wanting to admit we need help, or not wanting to be seen to be weak?

Is it a control thing, not wanting to relinquish control in case not done right?

I'm not sure, but I hope one day I'll learn the answer and say 'yes please/thanks that would be great', alot more often!

Till next time,


  1. Sometimes letting people help does more for them than it does for you. We offer to help because we want to. It can be hurtful to be told no all the time.

    You sound busy, FiL wants to help...why not let him.


  2. Hi Barb, thanks for your comment, I do agree, sometimes letting people help gives them a huge kick, I know if I can help someone I feel great.
    Yes FiL definitely wants to help, so maybe I just need to go with it and see what happens!



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